DUMMY:
step off dummy i’m the king! hey guys…..... so since the tucker b’s don’t play so much, what other bands would i find you in?

(suzi from adelaide)

TUCKER B’S:
Hello Suzi! Adelaide? Wicked city. Oh you may find members of the Tucker B’s all play in a mythical band called “The Rock, The Cut and the Hole”. This band tends to plays your ear hairs like a harp when you sleep, thus ensuring that your dreemz are always have a cat with two heads hiding in the background, moaning with a and finally, not lifting the seat as it strokes the cistern of your serendipity.

...

DUMMY:
i just saw you in the pines and I’d know to how it is possible to have such a beautiful drummer?
You guys blow my mind.
(ms archie from mt lawley)

TUCKER B’S:
Thanks yous Ms Archie. Our drummer, Headley, was woven by blending the DNA obtained from feotal hair of an unknown baby boyz with 400mL of Choc Milk, finely crushed blank DVD’s, a pincha nutmeg and finally injecting all that in pill form into the trunk of a Boab tree – Headley emergeded as the froot of that process with flower petals for hair.

...

DUMMY:
You guys fucking stink. I saw you during the Wolfmother tour and I couldn’t believe your moronic parents let you play musical instruments. I bought two copies of your latest album and used the booklet from one to wipe my ass after I did an enormous crap and the booklet from the other to spew on after I downed a Jacks and coke and two raw eggs. How tall is each member of the band?
(Muscly Prick from the place where whores are born.)

TUCKER B’S:
High heeled we measure 9.4m. Barefoot its more like 12.3m. Good to hear from ya Prince. I don’t think we’ve had a question from a fishing rod mechanic before.

...

DUMMY:
Sometimes when i am coming down off ice i masturbate for several hours with no real result of relief.
Do you guys have any tips on how i can reach my goals in a more realistic time frame?
(Crack Head from Right behind you)

TUCKER B’S:
Been there redniss. Sure do redniss. Pleasuers all ours soreniss. Give us all your ice and your deelaz number and let us borra your faded dark green Camry and wheel show you the technique required to cough up a bit of spurm dust after (and we guarantee this bit) no more than three realistic days licking tiles in the murgency ward of your dads soff wett sofniss (brrp).

...

DUMMY:
So we can get married now, right? I’m so excited, this will be my first public outing in my long, long life!!!! Also I have a vestigial twin on my chest hope that’s okay?
(axe-wielding punk dyke from bucket)

TUCKER B’S:
Ye, shouldint be a problem. ZLong as you clean you know what. THURRILY.

...