DUMMY:
My ass is telling me lies (verbally) – what should I do?
(Leonardo Dicaprio from Holllywood)

TUCKER B’S:
Print out your lying ass and put the hole thing in the shredder. Thenly, crack open a cold one, light up a fat one, rack up a long one and listen to the bastard scream azzya point’n’giggle.

...

DUMMY:
How many fingers am I holding up ?
(Dr Dr Mrs from St Elsewhere)

TUCKER B’S:
Fourteen, which doesn’t make you girrfend/boyfend material, but does mean that you can pick seven noses at once.

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DUMMY:
so anyways its october 2007 and have just spent a night listening to boy band earth boy have gotta say this has to be one of the worst suburban bands i have ever seen! when likened to the masters the tucker bs ….

ozi battler, you are a cunt, and the only thing you have battled is your dick.regards,

announcing shayne’s better half, motherfuckers …. word up … peace out …

we love you john, you give us something to whinge about other than the size of our dicks.

sara has no dick. she is dickless.

(Sara from Pussy)

TUCKER B’S:
First of all, thank you Sara, Jorm, Dizzy, Cheyenne and all your other ones. Yes, indeed, we are the masters so you are DED FUKN RIGHT ABOUT THAT, my dear. Therefore, tonights specialzz are/is mutton mince served with original ice-magic on a bed of bad ideas with a smattering of wrong advice sprinkled with the dust of the filth in yor deepest cavities.

...

DUMMY:
Are you too loose?
(BJ from Perth city)

TUCKER B’S:
We have emotional outbursts and often lose our powers of concentrationess, effectively killing what you were talking and making a din. But loose? Deffo, that’s why we have developed TOMK (the Theory Of My Knowlej), the Taste MY NOLLEDGE books for the eye-blind, and the video series: LOOK OUT, THERE GO YOUR PARAMETERS.

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DUMMY:
when are you guys coming back to perth? how come no gigs soon? what will i doooo?
(susan from perth)

TUCKER B’S:
The Perth ones will be summoned to attend the PlayLoards holy sess yorn of heavyishly light ballads of doom soon. You, soo sssan (indonesian?), will be required to make sure all our gifts arrive on ssss edule, as per our fax.

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