The Tucker B’s diagnosed themselves with ADD at an early age and began a Ritalin binge that would comfort them through their teens. They began fidgeting and then became swept up in a wave of paranoid rock activity, which has thus far lasted FIFTEEN FKN years. This new disease was diagKnosed but machines were IGNOREd and more new music was abused.

The end of 1994 saw the beginning of the ddddddddddddddd’s. Soon after the ddddddddddddddd’s changed their name to the Tucker B’s. Two early members left cause they were fragile; this left two members to do something. More Ritalin. More voices in heads. Much more new music abuse.

In 1995 Ticky Touchwood, Sean Pezzali and Carlos Schwartz released a tape called ‘Pipo Karna Eh’ to the people. The people loved it. Like it was a mother. The band was held in the same regard, in this modern whorl dDDDD, as FAX machines. In certain circels.

At this point the B’s were lined up and told to hush and they took, they delivered, they lent, they had bills and fines, THEY LIVED IN A BUBBLE, basically. Serious focus was given to LORD PLAYLORD, traveling and getting to know the true nature of the beast. After recording a decision against badness and throwing their guitars at the sky the B’s again set their sights on the kind of abuse that only paranoiB people can see. Hi mum.

More songs were ___ at the people who could not avoid it. Arm A Drunk in 1997 was more songs and whatnot that allowed time in the sun and machines to be broke. The band continued to rock like they were being paid to do it. The lifestyle of young Australians on Ritalin again took its toll. Drummer boy Sean left the warm glow of the B’s to farm riches in our Country’s North, he writes occasionally, pretends he is well and finished with drugs drugs.

Again a missive was sent to be spread ‘far and wide’, the B’s attended to airlines, terminals and stations in a bid to run screaming and alone into the worlds’ deserts. Music abuse was kept alive in the MINDB’s. SETS WERE SIGHT ON ROCK. People came to work on the machines, tinkering was everywhere. Daui Shau Vortex left Jesus for Ritalin and ROCK. Daniel Spittles left nothing for ROCK. Shows were played like they meant it and songs were harvested like it was the season. A TENSION MANIC INTENSITY was building the voices and eliminating choices. Daniel Spittles left the band in order to wear the badge “Being a B is never EASY”.

Tim Day was the next to wander into the open but violent arms of the B’s, they set about reckordering their knew beasty deadly you wannawishy hear songs RECKORD that everyone loved to call ‘Bish Bosh II: The Bosh Bosh’. This was all organised by the “Lord Playlord Record Disc Maker” Quietly Suburban Records down on that road, in an office somewhere, by fax, basically. This is a shiny little record thing that the band has shown to many many fuckos in 2003, directly IN the eyes, all around the deserts of this country. They all smile and say ‘THANK YOU LORD PLAYLORD’. The band is currently doing very many heaps of busy things and shows and tours all up and down Australia. All members rarely sleep. All members are currently at the table nergotiating on or about discussions.

Now at about this time, as always, it’s time for a little shuffle. Tim Day can’t cope; he has been broked before, but not this bad. He hates the band the band hates him. He drafts faxes, he writes them again, he forgets numbers, he remembers pretty fotoes, he has lost TOO MUCH OF HIS BRAINYS. A fax is sent to LORD PLAYLORD, down on that road, reading only: “EY kwirteyyyy.”. The band decides to remove the fax machine from the office and drive into the desert. On the way they meet a strange, sweet, small fringe-dweller man called Mathew Maguire. He stares blankly and says, “Why have they up there took so longgy?” The band look into the desert, eyes like slits, pass around some information, and decide he should play drums. And ply he did, losing a lot of blood recordind the almost hit CD “Chubby” in some year, and doing massive shows supporting Wolfmammy where? Down on that fkn road of course.

But the little guy stayed around a little bit too long and ended up doing his spiritual health some major damage – he also, like the fine drama men before him, was eventually regurgitated by the large brown animal called the Playlord: “No” was the only reason given to the band by the Playlord for the resignation of the strained Maui.

Next up to the drummink crease was, as it later turned out, a bit of a bully. Reid Butler received his marching orders from the Playlord after a sweet 6 solid months of beergut building excercises at the Tucker B fitness centers (located in the Yellow pages in your cheap suburb so give us a call). The Playlord said he was not drinking enough (in other words, staying conscious for too long) and this led to an amp kicking episode and all around good time breakup between the band (innocent children) and the big bully.

Having softened up from all the breakups, the band somehow found ANOTHER WILLING DRUMMMER to try his luck. Nicolai Danko can only be described as a ‘rushing’ who will storm you so hard, that you will inevitably part ways with the knowledge that you spent time with a wonderful young man with a beautiful soul, and the mixture of terror acquired on the long highways of this big country abundant with drugs, drugs and liquor and some fast Torago action. All brought to you by Playlord Pty Ltd: ” WHere We cares about your MUSZIX”.

2 Zillion 4our HUndreD > Enter: Matt “White Zebra” Blackman. The happiest (sober) person in the history of humanity. ABSOLUTE PUPPYDOG. He entered the band and within seconds was turned into a drug munching, paranoid, back stabbing, whisky chugging pothead that never really sleeps i.e. a Tucker B. All the signs on the rock and roll highway red “HE IS THE ONE” so the band simply refuse to let “this one” quit or be hounded out, like all the other “athletes” before him.

Such sensual intra-band love could only lead to one thing: offspring, in the form an uncle Burke Reid recorded opus calling itself “Nightmares in the key of ((((((((((((WOW))))))))))”. Look for the CBD in the shops soon, and look for the band sleeping in your old room and being tucked into your old bed by your mummy, coz that’s what happens.

Question now, who see next?

Disclaimer: The Tucker B’s ARE intense, dense, dynamic, simple, free, angry, sobering, drunk, drug addled, bright, literate, illegitimate, arranged, confused, harsh, urban, gentle, rural, warm, cold, distant and RIGHT THERE BESIDE YOU.

Ticky Touchwood
[Guitar + Vocals + A Little Bit of ‘This’]
Carlos Schwartz
[Bass + Vocals + A little bit of ‘That’]
Daui Shau Vortex
[Guitar, Vocals + Faxes]
Blackhimmel Nosebleeder
[Drums, Burd Surgery]

Those Who Have Helped Build

Matt Maguire [Drums + Channeler]
Nikolai Danko [Drums + Stormer]
Reid Butler [Drums + Revenger]
Tim Day [Drums + Free Lover]
Sean Pezzali [Drums + Vocalizationer]
Horrie Gauze [Drums + Strobe Lighter]
Daniel Spittles [Drums + Angrier]
Damien Gill [Saxophone + Crooner]
Michael Lake [Guitar + Lawnmower]

Rick Bryant [Guitar + Vaporizer]